...To be fair, you goosestepped right into that one.

Courtesy of G+:

To the K-blog!

I've restrained myself for far too long, snickering to myself in the corner and not sharing the lolz with you fine people... well, both of you. No more. Because today's story? Takes the cake.

yes, this cake.

You see, Once upon a time in Holland Township, Adolf Hitler wanted a birthday cake.

This was little Adolf Hitler Campbell, of course, who is turning three-- elder to his sisters, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell (I imagine this is a mispelling of 'Himmler'-- which would make this even more, as the kids say, "fucking epic"). The best part?

"The Campbells turned down the market's offer to make a cake with enough room for them to write their own inscription and can't understand what all of the fuss is about."

Weak. You knew this would happen when you named your kids, you dumb fucks! Don't feign ignorance of the likely reactions of pretty much Everyone Ever... while I'll admit, this whole debacle shows a lively amount of ignunce, you're not fooling anybody. This isn't about how sad it is that your poor little kid doesn't get a cheap storebought birthday cake inscribed how you'd like. Check Cake Wrecks-- this is not as uncommon as you'd think. They're just lucky Shop-Rite didn't choose to be more passive-aggresive about the whole thing.

And then there's this:

The Campbells said they wanted their children to have unique names and didn't expect the names to cause problems. Despite the cake refusal, the Campbells said they don't expect the names to cause problems later, such as when the children start school.

...so never mind. These parents? FAIL at parenthood. Definately fail at public school. I see that they're hardcore devotees of #101 on the list of things white people like: being offended. First-Amendmentlol! edition.

And more commentary here. Though really, they ought to have disallowed comments, because the whole thing is godwin'd before it begins.

All of that said, what really... well, you see, these people? They are both on disability, one for Emphesyma, one for a bad back. So they don't work, they just collect social security. Can you guess what this would have meant for them during the Reich? How happily the German Nation would have carried these people who were not contributing anything to the Fatherland, instead expecting handouts?

I knew you could!

Now, Das kainenchen is more of a Socialist these days than a national socialist, so I am fine with social programs... but please understand a philosophy before you expound it. The Reich would not have loved you. It would have burned you. Sorry. Now this is coming from a corpse whose existance is, at this point, a steaming hot stream of horse piss in the cornflakes of racial purity. My salt grains, they are free.

As the random psychologist in the article says, "The problems the children might encounter in school, [Gordon] said, "would be icing on the cake."

Ain' it jes?

And all of that said:




Happy Holidays!

What was that about Poland again?

Ja, I have nothing to say about this.

No, I have plenty to say about it. AND ALL OF IT LULZ!

But then there's times where the gallows begins to outweight the humor, and yeah.

Ja.

Spin makes the world go round.

Admittedly, I am in a paranoid mood tonight. Watching libertarian documentaries will do that. Also, reading the speeches of Little Joey Gobbels will do that tenfold.

And then seeing news stories like this one just plain give one the jibblies. I rather posted about this Operation Falcon before. The idea of huge coordinated sweeps of people bug me to no end. Call me crazy, even though I know it is supposed to be all on criminals, but I don't really trust anyone, least of all the government that far. And there's something about the way that article is written that screams "SPIN! SPIN! SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND!" to me.

Johan Gasmask is right, and I need to find some nice job doing something that brings actual happiness into the world, and stop worrying about this sort of thing.

Though I had a non-paranoid comment to make, which was about the Joe Louis v. Max Schmeling fight. One knows what it meant to both sides at the time, both the intial fight and the rematch, and I have (in this life) always admired The Brown Bomber a good deal. But it pleases me extremely to know that when Louis fell on hard times later (the result of heinous actions by the IRS), that Schmeling not only helped him out, probably even paid for his some or all of his burial. Considering that he was buried in Arlington, I don't know how much he'd have had to, but seriously, that just warms my heart, right there.

Humorpolitiksiche!

Authoritarian humor is fight. So says Hoover.org, in the article below, which is chock full of lulz like the following:

two European communists are rewarded with a trip to the glorious Soviet Union, but only one comes back. At work, the fellow traveler is quizzed by a colleague,

“How are living conditions in the Soviet Union?”
“Wonderful. I couldn’t believe my eyes.”
“And how is the housing? How is the food situation?”
“Splendid. I couldn’t believe my eyes.”
“But what happened to your friend?”
“Oh, he’s in Siberia. He did believe his eyes.”

Now, the article has the following to say about lulz during the 30's and 40's:

The sentimental axiom that jokes in, or against, authoritarian societies are liberating certainly does not stand up to scrutiny in the singular case of Nazi Germany. German jokes — and, in particular, those of working-class Berliners, who seem to have conjured up most of the gags — were unusual in that Nazi leaders, not Nazi ideology or the state apparatus, were their butt. This idiosyncrasy would seem to indicate that, at least until very late in the war, many Germans identified with and accepted the regime and its aims. Given that the Reich lasted but 12 years (half of which was occupied by fighting) and the Soviet Empire lasted eight mostly peaceful decades, Germans were not given the same opportunity to witness the Big Lie.

In the German case, political jokes were neither “tiny revolutions” nor pain relievers, but good-natured fun akin to jokes in democratic societies where the political structure is assumed to be legitimate.

I would suggest that telling a derisive political joke was only revolutionary in the period during the war, which the article points out, was fun for that one could be (in theory) put to death for it. Anyway, while the above does not seem unusual to westerners, it was unusual in an authoritarian government, where the State tends to be the target, not the leaders. But you didn't tell jokes about Hitler (especially not during the war), and as is pointed out above: yes, most people of the time were legitimate national socialists. I do have a bit of a niggling issue with the phrasing there, "the regime and it's aims." You all can probably guess this, but I would rather not get into what amounts to Apology, and a subject for other posts.

But let us stop that, for some quality period lulz:

"...on their wedding night, his wife awakes and catches a naked Goering waving his marshal’s baton around. “What are you doing?” she asks. “I’m promoting my underpants to overpants.” Victor Klemperer’s remarkable I Will Bear Witness, 1933-1941: A Diary of the Nazi Years (Random House, 1999) records just one joke between 1933 and 1941. It contrasts the 1917-18 punchline to the question, “How long will the war last?” with its modern equivalent. During the Great War, the answer was, “Till the officers have to eat the same food as the men”; during the Second World War, “Until Goering fits into Goebbels’s trousers.”

And we all know who had pants, don't we?



Now, speaking of:

"As for Goebbels, the minister of propaganda, jokes about him ridiculed his deformities, height, and complexion. It was only his many enemies in the party who tended to circulate those more waspishly commenting on his propagandistic distortions. Ernst Röhm, the brownshirted sa commander executed by Hitler in the Night of the Long Knives, generated a huge number of jokes, all of which harped on his homosexuality, towards which an “innocent” Hitler averted his eyes for a suspiciously long time (as a 1934 joke went: “Just imagine how upset the Führer will be if he gets to know Goebbels has a club foot!”). Perhaps unsurprisingly, the only leading Nazis to escape laughter were Reichsführer SS Heinrich Himmler and his chief executioner, SS-Obergruppenführer Reinhard Heydrich (whose unusually high-pitched voice would otherwise have marked him as a prime target)."

Yes, I know-- everyone is shocked that somehow (within the reich, anyway), Glasses Himmler escaped ridicule. Open ridicule anyway. I WONDER HOW HE MANAGED THAT!?

The hits just keep on comin'.

So, I am working on a series of lolnazis to commemorate the... heh... giants among us lesser peons of the Reich. To begin with, I wish to dedicate this video to someone very close to me, a veritable colossus, a... all right, I cannot keep that up. Little Joe, wherever you are, this is for you:



And from the same, well... I have realised, perhaps I insult all my old friends and co-workers, with my lulz, my gallows humor. But really, the sentiment behind my jollies can be discovered here:

.

That's me: The Looniest Knight of the Year.

:D

Pointy pointy point.

So I was going on the rant of how, when I was a very young Kainenchen, I looked awfully like a communist because I believed in workers working for the government, and the government insuring the well being of workers. This being because workers striking are bad for the country. And because companies exploiting workers are bad for the country. And ultimately, it is the country, the Nation, and it's well being which matters.

At which point I remembered the sudden and disturbing shock with which i remembered about the main of the camps being forced labour camps. Well, when they're political prisoners, and when they are prisoners at all, it makes sense, let them work. But it occurred to me, it was essentially slave labour. So so.

I finally remembered the point I wanted to make. The thing that bothers me about Holocaust revisionists, wanting to shrink the numbers of dead Jews and all of that. Ok, so the Jews weren't being killed out of hand. They were still being put in-- as the majority were, let me repeat-- labour camps. Which is even LESS acceptable to an American mind than outright murder. This country hates Slavery more than anything, murder, I think, is FAR more acceptable. So revisionists, you're still fucked in the goat ass.

Cry moar, and try again.

Context, I no has it.

From the Godwin's Law, Sarcasm is and Endangered Species, and c'mon... CONTEXT, BY GOD! files:

US actor Will Smith has stunned fans by reportedly declaring that Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler was essentially a "good" person.

In an interview with Scottish newspaper The Daily Record, the 39-year-old Men In Black star said he did not believe Hitler fully understood what effect his policies would have.

"Even Hitler didn't wake up going, 'Let me do the most evil thing I can do today," Smith told the newspaper in a wide-ranging interview.

"I think he woke up in the morning and using a twisted, backwards logic, he set out to do what he thought was 'good'."

LOLZ!!! That's for anyone who thinks that Will Smith is actually endorsing Hitler. Being unaware of one's own Ebil and Not Being Ebil are two different things. So lame.

Also, sometimes, I wish I was this guy. He's so much cooler than me.

Merry Christmas, everywhere, and here.

Relijun is SRUS BIZNIS.

One of the more fun things about being a dead nazi is knowing that, with your particular racial/religious/sexual mix this time, you are so the first one in the showers when the final solution comes again.

But seriously folks. Not that I have made too much of an effort to be all that serious. I think this is what worries me most about This kind of thing.

While Romney said some good things in his speech-- the best was his pointing out, essentially, that the reason we are free from sectarian violence as exists in the Middle East is because we do embrace all faiths. This nonsense about the religion of secularism. Secularism has to be the public rule simply because there are too many faiths to make faith of any sort the public rule. Not to imply that all religious symbolism and suggestion should be removed from the culture, for there is a good deal to be said the tradition. That is why a na-jew like this dead nazi celebrates Christmas-- it's a happy tradition, (by God :) and damned if anyone can snatch it away from me.

But let us illustrate Romney's point with this episode of Mickey Mouse and the Protocols of the Elders of Mecca:





That said, I swore my notary public oath on a copy of Samuel Shellabarger's Prince of Foxes.

So yeah.

Um. THOR.

Ja Whol, mien Führer.

Almost every dead nazi I know has gone through some period of thinking/fearing that they, in fact, might be Dead!Hitler. Yes, even das Kainenchen, although I was... eight? Something like that, at the time.

Anyway. Hitler is one of those lives that for anyone to claim would be... well, a one-way ticket to the land of the crazyfuck. That said, I think there's still some speculation about who, in this current time, had the misfortune of having der Führer's karma.

My guess is immortalised below:





Let's face it-- He's led a life of glory and trauma, he's been a little kid his whole life, and really, he'd be great at the job.

Just a suggestion.

(eta: honestly, could also be Mussolini. Srsly.)

A Very Auschwitz Christmas

So, here is the entire photo album that goes with the article I linked in the postscript here. It's worth it for the Auschwitz Christmas tree, which the owner of the album is lighting.

Also, I figured out why I hated my 7th grade lit teacher so much, on first sight.

He looks exactly like Josef Mengele, especially in this picture.

Forgive the remote link, but it's just so creepy.

~K.H.

(p.s. No mother, I don't want a Hitler action figure for Christmas. Or Hanukkah. Nien.)

(p.p.s. For some reason, if the above album link doesn't work, try this one, and there's a link on the sidebar to view the album.)

Life and Times.

It's morning, so I am going to go do laundry at the coin-op and get bagels with Gestapo Jones.

I live with Gestapo Jones now. Remember please that reincarnation is a search, often. But that is not what I wanted to write about.

I wanted today to talk about bagels.

I love bagels. But I do not like lox. I think this is a measure of criminal guilt amongst nazis of the dead variety. Gestapo Jones is a salmon bagel aficionado. Me, I never had to force down the stuff. Clearly, I have demonstratively less guilt. I should make a formula of some sort about this.

Imagine, for example, the excess of guilt necessary to enjoy gefelte fish.

(Latkes don't count, however. Everybody with a soul likes latkes. Unless you don't like potatoes, and then you just probably have some Irish issues.)

Now usually I don't do this but uh...

For great Wangst.

Dingo's Kidneys.

I should not read the claims of Holocaust Revisionists. I should not read refutations of holocaust revisionists. I would link this stuff, but you can find most of it on wikipedia. Well, there's the Nikzor project, but anyway, it only does a very half-assed job at contradicting the claims, which probably stems from the fact that if you immerse yourself in shit, pretty soon the shit will come spurting out of your mouth. That is to say: when trying to objectively combat an example of really bad research and really bad argument over a long period of time, one can certainly become confused enough by it that one forgets how to do so effectively.

I should quote specific examples, but to do so would be fraught. Besides, improving on nikzor's job isn't my intent right now.

No, I was feeling bad for David Irving, spending time in prison for being a holocaust denier. While it seems clear that, as most holocaust deniers, his beliefs are fueled either by antisemitism, comfortable paranoia, or both, it seems to me that to throw the man in jail-- to oppress him and to persecute him for his beliefs, no matter how much they are a bunch of dingo's kidneys, gives credence to the latter. It's such a nice feeling, when you think you're right about a controversial topic, to have people try to silence you by putting you behind bars, and by the passing of laws that make it illegal to even talk about the noise. That is to say-- to be vindicated through oppression. Christ sandwiches.

Still, even though I don't think he ought to have been imprisoned, doesn't mean I ought to have gone and trolled the fellow's website. His Hitler obsession mirrors that some people give Napoleon, and, well, mine, when I was a very small dead nazi.

Aside from the whatevers, I found this link about Hitler's dental troubles especially good for a giggle.

I mean, I can relate.

Spoke to a dead not-nazi a couple of days ago, and feel very odd about the whole thing. It went to thinking and talking alot about the current American situation in ways would get one godwin'd on pretty much any blog ever, but. Anyway. I want to claim that I didn't know so much about the atrocities going on, that certain important people didn't know, that it wasn't as enormously huge a part of the agenda... but that's clearly not true. If my ignorance was so complete, then there would have been something left in me to prevent things like Breslau.

I stop here to prevent myself saying some very mean things about large groups of people.

I want to go burn a city now. I think I'll go pet one of the kitties instead.

noir.

I think Hermann got killed by Tyrone Power. I'm not entirely upset by this. Though in some respects there's not much difference. They both like good food and like to dress up in excessive costumes. They both drink every drop of liquor in the house and tear through a bottle of wine in nothing flat.

I wish I had a bottle of wine.

God, I want a bottle of wine.

Bordeaux? It doesn't even have to be prewar...

Like I or anyone make that kind of money these days...