Don't Call it a Comeback

Greetings and Wilkommen, mien kinder, but no really. It's been a long time. Too long. I've been holding off and holding out and biting my tongue for long enough, but now it's finally hit. The time we've been waiting for, when Godwin's Law gives way to Poe's Law, and people are comparing some of these political fucks to Nazis because THEY ACTUALLY SOUND LIKE NAZIS.

You can pin it down, too. This moment in history is become this:

And so this is us, the Cabaret Kainenchen, here we are for the first time, again. Ain't nothing new under the sun.

And yes, we're going to be making fun of Donald Trump a LOT. And anyone else who manages to look a little bit less like a clown while pushing the same, bad, xenophobic ideas.

Though really, he still seems more like Biff Tannen than Hitler to me. Only time will tell.

Or Michael J. Fox will come in a flying DeLorean and save us all. Whichever.

The Catholic Pants Command Me.

Today I did something I don't usually do, feeling very lulz deprived, and I googled 'nazis', to see what turned up.

It seems that reductio ad Hitlerium is everywhere. People all the time be trying to associate everything they don't like with Hitler and the Nazis (Much like ol' Darling Adolphe did with the Jews, but OOH LOOK MOM, an IRONY!). This includes the Athiests!

Because OH NOES, the NAZIS were CHRISTIANS A LOT, and so CHRISTIANS (esp. Catholics) HAS A BAD!

The best part being the very first image:


ZOMG, Hitler Haz a WHIP! Clearly, the thinks he's Jesus mit der moneylenders. Because you know who the moneylenders are? That's right, JEWS! ZOMG ZOMG!11!!1one!


And LOOK! We haz a further proof:





Admittedly, the site in question doesn't draw any conclusions, but leaves you to draw your own. I've drawn mine all right. On my etch-a-sketch. Whee!

Let this be their character note.

Real IM conversation:

[2:32:01 PM] Kainenchen says: It disturbs me that Albert Speer died 5 days exactly before I was born.
[2:32:43 PM] Johan Gasmask says: Mmm.. Indian food.

A few words about Irony.

Irony, in my humble, is stronger than the force. It surrounds us and binds us true, though sometimes it binds us in the Great Chain, sometimes in a great big hug, sometimes in a shibari bondage kit with ball gag. I give Karma a certain amount of credit for giving me certain choices and presenting me with situations that I might not otherwise have. But that is one thing. Distinct from Irony. Or the amusing coincidence.

Which is what happens when an ex-girlfriend who works in hollywood FX IMs you to let you know that she is working on the Project Valkyrie movie.

And you think, "Damn, I am probably not in that movie at all." Though other people you know will be.

Yes, those are the moments.

*grumbleSpeergrumble*

(p.s.-- I am jealous of the fellow who gets to be played by Eddie Izzard. Also, "Angry SS Officer" = BEST ROLE EVAR. I mean... isn't it just so!)

You learn something new every few years.

They've re-done quizilla, so the dead nazi quiz no longer shows up at its old link. Which is fine, as I desperately need to change it.

For one, karma is infinitely more subtle than I thought 5 years ago, and some of the result definitions need updating desperately.

Also, I need to add a Dead Ally and a Good German/Party Member result.

If those of you who read this screed (both of you) have any additional suggestions, I am a most amenable Kainenchen, indeed.

Passing the torch.

How Timely.

Hopefully that link will work, as ushmm.org links sometimes have problems, but yeah.

HAI CHINA, U noes who even started the Olympic Torch Run? HITLER!

SUBTLE OLYMPICS ANALOGY FAILS AT SUBTLE.

A Subtle? NOT YOURS.

(That said, Go go go the Dalai Lama. Srsly, who could hate that guy? He has Bodhisattva awesome. I can think of few awesomes that are awesomer.)

Nazis R Guitars.

So I downloaded the new update for the psp, and they have an internet radio application. One of the channels is called 'balladen', which sounded most interesting. And what was the first thing on, when I played it?

LIVE ACOUSTIC DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES.

SO AWESOME.

The whole station... german epic balladry. I am in love with the song Unbekannter Soldat by Annett. So good.

Of course, it is probably all listened to by the neo-nazis and skinheads and the yep still fascist crowd, but i don't care. It makes me feel all warm inside.

I could well have a politikkkal rant about many, many things, but perhaps I will save it for later.

Also, as a couple of days ago... happy Anschluss Anniversary!

And a million apologies for a) bad spelling and b)lack of proper punctuation. I am too tired tonight for ASCII.

Speculation Jones.

from inhaltsos on el-jay:

the Was Eminem a Nazi Polka!

LULZ!

Phone conversation:

Dramatis Personae:
-Gestapo Jones (Who wants to be called Johan Gasmask now sometime. So, JG instead of GJ? Whichever.)
-JG's (GJ's) Mother. (No lines. Was just on the other end of the phone)
-KH-- Das Kainenchen. That is, myself.

JG: (In reference to a set of knives sent by the Mother) Yep, the Germans make a good knife. Nothing like the Germans for implements of doom.
Mother: *speaks*
JG: Yes, or the Japanese. Kind of makes you wonder why they lost the war.
KH: Poor trains management.
JG: Also, putting all their skill points in knives making.
KH: Yes, poor skill allotment is a problem. Also, wasting resources on clearing mobs for no XP, when they should have been killing something that would get them some level.
Mother: *has decided that we Has Problems*

...And let god sort 'em out.

So nice of Mr. Bush to go and cry over the Israel Holocaust Memorial.

Here's what he had to say:

Bush was visibly moved as he toured the site, said Yad Vashem's chairman, Avner Shalev.

"Twice, I saw tears well up in his eyes," Shalev said.

At one point, Bush viewed aerial photos of the Auschwitz camp taken during the war by U.S. forces and called Rice over to discuss why the American government had decided against bombing the site, Shalev said.

...Between 1.1 million and 1.5 million people were killed at the camp.

"We should have bombed it," Bush said, according to Shalev.

Now, Condeleeza Rice at least clarifies by saying, "Um. The Train tracks. We could have bombed the /train tracks/. Yeah."

But still.

LOLZ.

~K.H.

P.S. I would pay heavy money to see the pics of George Bush in a yarmaluke.

Some jobs just suck.

Dead Nazis shouldn't work in kennels. Too many fences, and too many flies. At least there wasn't barbed wire.

A bad job is just a bad job. Some lessons endure.

The Wonderful Wizard of Wounded Knee.

I'll keep this in mind when I write my children's novel.

Though srsly. The biting sarcasm in the two editorials by L. Frank Baum (more readable versions available here.) is apparent at least to me. Even if it has more than an undercurrent of sincerity, it's hardly the touting hatespeech the first article would make it out to be. If anything, it's a hardline pessimist (and if you don't think the man was a hardline pessimist, re-read the Wizard of Oz) view of the situation in which he was living at the time. He had no way of knowing that Political Correctness, the Holocaust, Civil Rights, Tolerance, and other such buzzwords were going to take ahold of this country, and even if he did, I think he would have snorted at them as the raging hypocrisy which they often are-- if you're taking the Nationalistic view, and I get the impression he was. As a people, the (collective) American continues to be guilty of running in and making a mess of other people's affairs-- to the point where a man like Baum might say of the Muslims, as of the Indians, that the only way to deal with them is to eradicate them all, (even if one can understand their viewpoint).

So, is he being assy? Yeah.

Is he being a OMG!RACIST!HITLAR!HATEMONGAR?

Not really. Not by himself, anyway.

In conjunction with a powerful panzerkrieg-like engine of expansion in the form of a rolling, lockstepping army and driven leadership...

...oh wait.

Still, Baum's no Minister of Propaganda, and Der Amerikaner Feel RILLY bad about all That Stuff nao, and yeah, right?

Well, I suppose we'll see, won't we?

~K.

(and as is fairly clear, ja, das Kainenchen happens to inhabit an American-born fleshsack the now. Hence the EngsDesutche. So there.)

Relijun is SRUS BIZNIS.

One of the more fun things about being a dead nazi is knowing that, with your particular racial/religious/sexual mix this time, you are so the first one in the showers when the final solution comes again.

But seriously folks. Not that I have made too much of an effort to be all that serious. I think this is what worries me most about This kind of thing.

While Romney said some good things in his speech-- the best was his pointing out, essentially, that the reason we are free from sectarian violence as exists in the Middle East is because we do embrace all faiths. This nonsense about the religion of secularism. Secularism has to be the public rule simply because there are too many faiths to make faith of any sort the public rule. Not to imply that all religious symbolism and suggestion should be removed from the culture, for there is a good deal to be said the tradition. That is why a na-jew like this dead nazi celebrates Christmas-- it's a happy tradition, (by God :) and damned if anyone can snatch it away from me.

But let us illustrate Romney's point with this episode of Mickey Mouse and the Protocols of the Elders of Mecca:





That said, I swore my notary public oath on a copy of Samuel Shellabarger's Prince of Foxes.

So yeah.

Um. THOR.

because we don't own a copy of Bent.

You can always tell a dead nazi household. It contains conversations like the following:

"I want to relax and watch a movie tonight."

"Sure thing... how about Schindler's List?"

"Oh good, just what I was thinking."

And so it is watched, and all of the documentaries too.

Maybe next we watch Swing Kids.

(Also, we own too many pairs of boots here. Closets fill so easily... we're always tripping over them. Boots boots boots. But are there ever really too many boots?)

The irony achievement: Rommel edition.

Not feeling so inspired for more lulz. But I wanted to do something nice for Rommy anyway.

So here, I found a link for Rommel's Rod...




Because Dead Nazis are Dead. Even little model dead nazis in little model cars.

Irony'd!

People wanna know who we are so we tell them...

I'm finding that I need to revise some of my theories about dead nazis as recorded in the dead nazi faq. For starters, I begin to think that dead nazis are generally reborn as young queerlings in the realm of human beings. I think the degree of difficulty they have with their queerness is related to karma. I say this because it seems most of the dead nazis I know are... well, oddly like me.

Or else they're genderfucked straight girls. Or Bi girls. Or hardcore trans queerbois. We're mostly (physically) girls now. Odd little genderqueer girls.

There is a time I would have found this disappointing. Like there ought to have been a more distinct justice, this time around.

But I should have remembered that justice is a subtle bitch, as is Karma, and Irony, and we likes it like that.

Boom.

Had a dream last night. I was in WWIII. And there were NSDP running around again, bombing houses with indie band girls in them. And for once, I was on the good side.

You know. The one having bombs dropped on me.

This probably comes from watching too much Schindler's List before bedtime.

Am I the only one who thinks that Oskar Schindler is one of the sexiest, most sinister and bad-ass names ever?

Well, apart from H/T.

--K.H.

P.S. (So this is what I missed not being stationed at Auschwitz. lol.)

Nazi sad.

OMFG, I used to kill thousands of people every day without blinking, euthanize old people like nothing, and I'm going all to pieces over a cat.

For Irony's sake: Johan's cat.

I better go do this before I lose my nerve.