Don't Call it a Comeback

Greetings and Wilkommen, mien kinder, but no really. It's been a long time. Too long. I've been holding off and holding out and biting my tongue for long enough, but now it's finally hit. The time we've been waiting for, when Godwin's Law gives way to Poe's Law, and people are comparing some of these political fucks to Nazis because THEY ACTUALLY SOUND LIKE NAZIS.

You can pin it down, too. This moment in history is become this:

And so this is us, the Cabaret Kainenchen, here we are for the first time, again. Ain't nothing new under the sun.

And yes, we're going to be making fun of Donald Trump a LOT. And anyone else who manages to look a little bit less like a clown while pushing the same, bad, xenophobic ideas.

Though really, he still seems more like Biff Tannen than Hitler to me. Only time will tell.

Or Michael J. Fox will come in a flying DeLorean and save us all. Whichever.

As the kids say, "lol whut"

Today's lulz are brought to you by the letters T&A, and by Hizzonna Warren Ellis, as someone apparently thought that this book would amuse him enough to send it to him:





My only regret? That it wasn't me. This is clearly, like Mien Kamph, a misunderstood work of heartbreaking genius, and anyone should be teary at the thought of the two magnificent tomes sharing pride of place on the family bookshelf, perhaps also snuggled next to this here. Nu?

Yeah, that's what I thought. I should start doing book reviews for the lulz.

Also, happy new year, mien kinder.

XD

You can't have it both ways.

For those who are going to protests carrying things like this:






And touting more of this kind of crap, I have a bit of a semantics lesson for you. Please to be paying attention to the Gauleiter in the Jackboots. There's a love.

Just because National Socialism has "Socialism" somewhere in the name... well, this does not make it actually socialist. There were some things about socialism, sure, that NSDAP embraced-- community, unity, workers working solidly together for the universal betterment of their country, and putting their country before all other concerns... well yes, in theory. However, this was a Single Party System that got rid of all other parties and put a dictator in charge. That makes it fascist.

This thing you're talking about with Obama? Not fascist. Hell, George Bush wasn't actually fascist, though the post 9/11 lingo has a little bit more in common with fascism... well, with National Socialism in particular... than what is going on now. Why and how can I say this?

Because the man went away when his term was over. As will Obama. There's still multiple parties in your shiny Amerikanner guv'mint. Go figure!

At the end of it, like it or not, you may find yourself with affordable access to health care, even if you have a shit retail job. This is a leftist ideal, by the way... that the government has the obligation to provide health care to all of its citizens, regardless of who and what they are. And without radically re-defining who is and isn't a citizen either, like *koff*some people*koff* did. National Socialists are, by definition, so far to the right they make your silly republicans look like Engels supporters. We killed communists in ways Joe McCarthy only wished he could. You don't know about our anti-communism, bitches.

To say that some of us know better now would be an understatement. But I'd like you lot drawing little scrub moustaches on Obama to consider whether or not you're doing it because you have any idea of what Hitler's party stood for and can argue, in good conscience, that they have thing bloody one in common, or if you're doing it because dad gum, dem lib'rals did it to Bush and Hitler has come to represent to you lot Everything Evil Ever? Just think on it.

Though really, if you're going to use someone to represent Everything Evil Ever, I still think you'd do better going with Himmler. The sick sadistic little fuck.

Begin the Lolocaust.

So you know, if I was making a Time-Travel-Romantic-Wtf? movie about the Holocaust, I would totally cast Britney Spears as the female protagonist.

You know, for the lulz.

Somewheres over the rainbow...

There's lolz, then there's laughing at other people's stupidity.



I believe in the invisible pink nazi unicorn.


Oh shit, now the secret is out. The SS?

Totally shit outta clouds by pink nazi unicorns. The faerie farts of the SA.

This is undoubtedly Ernst Rhoem's revenge.

I miss Rhoem. He threw the best parties.

Peter Jackson + Zombies + Nazis + Time Travel + Celluloid = LULZ.

More shit we can't even begin to make up.

All I know is that if this happens, Das Kainenchen is so there.

And today's "The More You Know" Win goes to the British school system today, since a whole fuckton of British kids seem to think that Auchwitz is a kind of beer.

Ferserious.

It estimated that among Britain's 4.5 million 11- to 16-year-olds, 90,000 believed Auschwitz was a drink and 45,000 thought it was a type of bread.

...

Ninety seven per cent, however, were able to identify Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler from a photograph.



Tastes like liquid doom.

Another Austrian in Another Show.

Car Smash ex Machina and the Jewish (or Immigrant) Question.

Commentary on this one I'll leave till I'm more coherent, since figuring out whether this fellow is a true Ignunt Neo or a National Socialist Labour Man with an extremist past is beyond my abilities this morning. But dead nazis, even dead potential nazis, are always funny. So. Duly noted.

Spin makes the world go round.

Admittedly, I am in a paranoid mood tonight. Watching libertarian documentaries will do that. Also, reading the speeches of Little Joey Gobbels will do that tenfold.

And then seeing news stories like this one just plain give one the jibblies. I rather posted about this Operation Falcon before. The idea of huge coordinated sweeps of people bug me to no end. Call me crazy, even though I know it is supposed to be all on criminals, but I don't really trust anyone, least of all the government that far. And there's something about the way that article is written that screams "SPIN! SPIN! SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND!" to me.

Johan Gasmask is right, and I need to find some nice job doing something that brings actual happiness into the world, and stop worrying about this sort of thing.

Though I had a non-paranoid comment to make, which was about the Joe Louis v. Max Schmeling fight. One knows what it meant to both sides at the time, both the intial fight and the rematch, and I have (in this life) always admired The Brown Bomber a good deal. But it pleases me extremely to know that when Louis fell on hard times later (the result of heinous actions by the IRS), that Schmeling not only helped him out, probably even paid for his some or all of his burial. Considering that he was buried in Arlington, I don't know how much he'd have had to, but seriously, that just warms my heart, right there.

Lol whut?

Occasionally, it is time to take break to snicker at other people's lolz.

These are lolz from pics of the Creation Museum in northern Kentucky. But I will link entries, from the forums at http://whateveresque.com:





The lolz are for everyone, esp teh dead!

Passing the torch.

How Timely.

Hopefully that link will work, as ushmm.org links sometimes have problems, but yeah.

HAI CHINA, U noes who even started the Olympic Torch Run? HITLER!

SUBTLE OLYMPICS ANALOGY FAILS AT SUBTLE.

A Subtle? NOT YOURS.

(That said, Go go go the Dalai Lama. Srsly, who could hate that guy? He has Bodhisattva awesome. I can think of few awesomes that are awesomer.)

What is this noise!?

Did any of you know about this? I didn't know about this. Not that I would have known about it. But still. STILL.

What the BALLS?

That's just kind of surprising, and a little but of what the shits.

Now, if you want some lulz, howsabout a nice thick slice of Dingo's kidney pie?

Nom Nom Nom.

...And let god sort 'em out.

So nice of Mr. Bush to go and cry over the Israel Holocaust Memorial.

Here's what he had to say:

Bush was visibly moved as he toured the site, said Yad Vashem's chairman, Avner Shalev.

"Twice, I saw tears well up in his eyes," Shalev said.

At one point, Bush viewed aerial photos of the Auschwitz camp taken during the war by U.S. forces and called Rice over to discuss why the American government had decided against bombing the site, Shalev said.

...Between 1.1 million and 1.5 million people were killed at the camp.

"We should have bombed it," Bush said, according to Shalev.

Now, Condeleeza Rice at least clarifies by saying, "Um. The Train tracks. We could have bombed the /train tracks/. Yeah."

But still.

LOLZ.

~K.H.

P.S. I would pay heavy money to see the pics of George Bush in a yarmaluke.

Leftist claptrap.

Like I consider sites like AlterNet.org unbiased. Still, this is a matter of consternation, especially when combined with this.

And This jawing about things like this, which certaily looks wholesome on paper.

If I were a paranoiac, I would be jawing too, about what we'll say when they ask us again, how we could let Those Atrocities happen, and Didn't We See it Coming?

As it isn't like I haven't had some time to consider these questions.

Me, I was too busy running a Gau. And a Siege, eventually. See, the military is straightforward and simple like that. Do this, don't do that, attack, defend-- morally, it all gets whitewashed under the heading of WAR. But I digress. This has no lulz.

Except the patronising sort one gives to paranoid conspiracy theorists with so much time on their hands they freak out over every shifty little thing. Yeah, we laughs at them.

lololol.

Pointy pointy point.

So I was going on the rant of how, when I was a very young Kainenchen, I looked awfully like a communist because I believed in workers working for the government, and the government insuring the well being of workers. This being because workers striking are bad for the country. And because companies exploiting workers are bad for the country. And ultimately, it is the country, the Nation, and it's well being which matters.

At which point I remembered the sudden and disturbing shock with which i remembered about the main of the camps being forced labour camps. Well, when they're political prisoners, and when they are prisoners at all, it makes sense, let them work. But it occurred to me, it was essentially slave labour. So so.

I finally remembered the point I wanted to make. The thing that bothers me about Holocaust revisionists, wanting to shrink the numbers of dead Jews and all of that. Ok, so the Jews weren't being killed out of hand. They were still being put in-- as the majority were, let me repeat-- labour camps. Which is even LESS acceptable to an American mind than outright murder. This country hates Slavery more than anything, murder, I think, is FAR more acceptable. So revisionists, you're still fucked in the goat ass.

Cry moar, and try again.

The Wonderful Wizard of Wounded Knee.

I'll keep this in mind when I write my children's novel.

Though srsly. The biting sarcasm in the two editorials by L. Frank Baum (more readable versions available here.) is apparent at least to me. Even if it has more than an undercurrent of sincerity, it's hardly the touting hatespeech the first article would make it out to be. If anything, it's a hardline pessimist (and if you don't think the man was a hardline pessimist, re-read the Wizard of Oz) view of the situation in which he was living at the time. He had no way of knowing that Political Correctness, the Holocaust, Civil Rights, Tolerance, and other such buzzwords were going to take ahold of this country, and even if he did, I think he would have snorted at them as the raging hypocrisy which they often are-- if you're taking the Nationalistic view, and I get the impression he was. As a people, the (collective) American continues to be guilty of running in and making a mess of other people's affairs-- to the point where a man like Baum might say of the Muslims, as of the Indians, that the only way to deal with them is to eradicate them all, (even if one can understand their viewpoint).

So, is he being assy? Yeah.

Is he being a OMG!RACIST!HITLAR!HATEMONGAR?

Not really. Not by himself, anyway.

In conjunction with a powerful panzerkrieg-like engine of expansion in the form of a rolling, lockstepping army and driven leadership...

...oh wait.

Still, Baum's no Minister of Propaganda, and Der Amerikaner Feel RILLY bad about all That Stuff nao, and yeah, right?

Well, I suppose we'll see, won't we?

~K.

(and as is fairly clear, ja, das Kainenchen happens to inhabit an American-born fleshsack the now. Hence the EngsDesutche. So there.)

Here he comes, it's Himmler's clown.

I lol'd.

Also: why does it seem when I write anything quasi-historical, even fanfic, suddenly it becomes all... OMG CAMPS?

*sigh*

A gay romp with Adolf and Eva on the Upper West Side.

this was unsurprisingly canceled after one episode.
Eat your heart out, Archie Bunker.

~K.

P.S: Cracked.com cracks me up.

Heroin, by the way, was originally developed by Bayer. You know, those friendly folks behind harmless old aspirin.

Oh, and while we're taking on the man, we should also mention that Bayer used to be called IG Farben, a pharmaceutical and chemical conglomerate that allegedly sponsored experiments by Nazi torturers. How is this not at the center of every single Tylenol ad campaign: the fast acting pain reliever that has never sponsored Nazi torture camps.

(it's not really Godwin, but... still! ^^)

A Very Auschwitz Christmas

So, here is the entire photo album that goes with the article I linked in the postscript here. It's worth it for the Auschwitz Christmas tree, which the owner of the album is lighting.

Also, I figured out why I hated my 7th grade lit teacher so much, on first sight.

He looks exactly like Josef Mengele, especially in this picture.

Forgive the remote link, but it's just so creepy.

~K.H.

(p.s. No mother, I don't want a Hitler action figure for Christmas. Or Hanukkah. Nien.)

(p.p.s. For some reason, if the above album link doesn't work, try this one, and there's a link on the sidebar to view the album.)

Boom.

Had a dream last night. I was in WWIII. And there were NSDP running around again, bombing houses with indie band girls in them. And for once, I was on the good side.

You know. The one having bombs dropped on me.

This probably comes from watching too much Schindler's List before bedtime.

Am I the only one who thinks that Oskar Schindler is one of the sexiest, most sinister and bad-ass names ever?

Well, apart from H/T.

--K.H.

P.S. (So this is what I missed not being stationed at Auschwitz. lol.)